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Monday, December 3, 2012

More Upcoming Shows

I've been a bad girl. I forgot to inform you lovely mongrels about several shows that I attended without you. I'm gonna make it up to you right now.

Nothing is better than a rowdy rock show at a bar. On the other hand, mixing booze and Punk music can sometimes be lethal, so don't say I didn't warn you. 

I never heard of the other bands, but holy mother of Metal, I love Gaza. The venue is next-to-impossible to find, but once you get there, it's worth the $10. 

If you're over 21 with no money, you have no reason to blow this off. No cover and a funny flyer? I'm there. Sadly, it's at the same time as the Gaza show, so I'm gonna have to two-time these concerts. 

Here's a little something for those of you who are unfortunate enough to be younger than 21. At least you get an extra bang for your buck: It's just $7 for 11 bands.  

If you, like me, are unemployed, there's nothing else to do on a Tuesday night. Fuck the Mayans, indeed. 

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Band Review: Dissonance In Design

Dissonance In Design is a very appropriate name for a band of this caliber. As the name implies, they deliver  intricate and yet caustic melodies. Their musical style is simultaneously technical and melodic... Put simply, they have sublime virtuosity. The compositions are so complex that they border on unholy. The drummer is probably on crack, or just mind-blowingly good at what he does. I don't know what the guitarist looks like, but I can't help but picture a long-haired demon playing a Flying V on a bleak mountain top. And the vocals? They totally instill fear in the hearts of non-believers. The bassist was apparently stolen from Sunday Massacre, which explains why he excels where so many other Metal bassists fall short.

The lyrics, though saturated with morbid imagery, are ultimately hopeful. The words juxtapose unbearable anguish with a glimmer of optimism, reminiscent of Pandora's fabled box. Except maybe Dionysiac, which I arbitrarily insist is about remedying a hangover with more booze. No wait, that's just the Sailor Jerry's talking.  Sober me thinks that Dionysiac is totally deep too. Dissonance In Design not only employs excellent musicianship and skill, but also a solid band dynamic. Many would-be-famous bands fall apart due to their lack of cohesion, despite their technical and musical proficiency. But if these fuckers can hold their shit together for a while, they'll probably conquer the world (or at least Colorado.) 

There's only one more aspect for me to mention. I can't tell if their artwork is a T-shirt, an album cover, or both. Either way, it looks like something Bob Masse would paint if he lived in the generation of of Skinless and Sepultura instead of Hendrix and King Crimson. Check it:

I have horrible writers block so I didn't really do the band justice by this sub-par write up. I'm too bitchy to care. Four stars outta five.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Hesher: A Very Bitchy Movie Review

I hate to be blunt, but this movie is a total drag. When I first read blurbs hailing the film as gruesome, dramatic, and hilarious, I was expecting something between Rockstar and Dead Alive. What I got instead was something between a chick-flick and a home movie. The plot is tedious, unless you want to spend an hour and a half of watching a 13 year old suffering constantly. Seriously, the protagonist, T.J, is tormented by his own family, school bullies, authority figures, and especially by the titular character, Hesher. The bad guys are all one-dimensionally cruel, with an annoying heartlessness bordering on that of a cartoon supervillain. Even the good guys are a pain in the ass, as they seem to be pathetic martyrs who passively suffer. For a movie that revolves around death, violence, and substance abuse, it somehow manages to be incredibly boring. Like all dramas, it has the requisite family dinner scene in which the males yell at each other, break the dishes, and storm off while the womenfolk weep and plead them to stop.

As for Hesher himself...
For all the depth he has, he might as well be a stick figure shouting "Weed! Beer! Motorhead! Fire! I'm an asshole! Rawr!" He is basically a caricature of all the negative stereotypes about Metalheads. On the plus side, at least he's not predictable. Even if you don't know what his next move will be, you can rest assured that he is consistently acting like a horrible dick. The worst part is, he'd be kind of hot if he wasn't such an insufferable asshole.

I'm not just being facetious when I say that the credits are my favorite part of the movie. That is the only time you hear a Metal song in its entirety, and I was also mildly entertained by the gallery of Hesher's art that looks like obscene graffiti from a bathroom stall. 

As grueling as this film is, it isn't all bad. The scene in which Hesher smokes weed with the Grandmother is so wrong, yet so beautiful, like the breast-feeding scenario in Grapes Of Wrath.  For the most part, however, this is an account of unjust existential tragedy, the likes of which I haven't seen since the Old Testament. I can acknowledge the allure of the movie's concept, but in all honesty, I pretty much hated the whole thing. Two stars outta five. 

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Upcoming Shows

I love being 21. Nothing is better than getting smashed and listening to awesome, insane, loud music. For instance...

              If that's not your thing, slightly more marketable/mainstream music is coming to the Sunshine Theater on the 30th.

                                     Or, you can check this out, and Scream It Like You Mean It. AAAAHHHH!!

This Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! Joe Angel Productions presents Destroy It All Tour, featuring Epiphany, Carry Your Ghost, and some other crazy Metal bands. Doors open at 7 PM, cost is $7, location is the Gasworks.

Tomorrow, Warehouse 21 is hosting an all-ages show featuring HN-88, as well as up-and-coming band The Regulars. I've never heard of any of the other bands, but since I know the aformentioned artists are both Pop-Punk, I'll assume the whole line-up is similar. Besides, their flyer is an elephant in a suit. Anyway, doors open at seven, the cost is  $5, and no drugs or violence.

The fuck is with the deficit of flyers? Well, I guess I'll just tell you beautiful people all you need to know, sans visual aid. Sorry.

July 10th, HN-88 will be playing again, only this time at a bar. The Underground at Evangelos is a pretty cool venue, and the alcohol helps too. To the best of my knowledge, HN-88 will be the only band performing that night, and shows tend to cost $5, doors tend to open at 7 PM.

Saturday, July 14th, awesome Punk band Dead On Point Five is making their comeback at Hooligans Nightclub. Also playing will be Michael Lee Ostrander(think Joe Satriani on acid) and Skulldron (Think Iron Maiden on some dank weed).  Show starts at 7, I have no idea what the cover charge is but $5 is still a good bet.

Th-th-that's all, folks.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

The Spiritual Implications Of Mosh Pits, According To A Drunk (Me)

(Rewind: Spring 2011 ) I had learned of Danno's death a week after it transpired. Strangely enough, the day of his death and the day I got news of it had a lot in common. They were Friday mornings for him on the East Coast, Friday nights for me in the Southwestern mountains. And for both of these nights, W21 hosted Metal shows, and both concerts featured the band Obelisk. As such, obelisks have come to symbolize resilience, endurance, and the ability to turn pain into art. That is the glory of Metal, despite its grotesqueness.

The loss of a loved one is one of the most alienating experiences you can ever know. It's like being stranded in the middle of a vast desert, all alone and completely lost. No matter which direction you wander in, it feels like you'll be in this barren wasteland forever. But if in your wanderings you stumble upon something like an obelisk, you'll know that someone was in the same desert as you, they suffered the same loneliness you did, but their sorrow inspired them to create a massive testament to their injured yet ever-present dignity. And you know that maybe you could do it too.

So much for the imagery. As for the actual band, I don't think it was a coincidence that I happened to see them perform both on the night of Danno's death, during which I was ignorant, and the night I learned of it exactly a week thereafter. To paraphrase Albert Einstein, either everything is a miracle or nothing is. Of all the amazing musicians of which I call myself a fan, none were so commensurable with my own psyche as Obelisk was at the time. Their music sounds like melancholy sublimating into rage.

I remember when the bearer of bad news concluded his sad story, something like "...Peacefully in his sleep." My jaw dropped and I walked back into the concert hall, in a daze. I hated the audience for having a good time when such a travesty occured. I hated myself for having even more fun than them just minutes before. I hated the band for sounding just like how I felt. Then, lost in self pity, I was brought back down to earth both literally and figuratively as I was shoved from behind. A mosh pit had spontaneously broken out. I figured Danno's blood will never again pulse, let alone spill, nor his heart ever beat, let alone race. I might as well do it for him. I picked myself up and pushed back. I was moshing for two now. It felt good to knock some anonymous strangers around for a while. It also felt good to endure a little manhandling myself.

I didn't want to "take my mind off it", to distract myself from the tragedy that still stings me to this day. To the contrary,l I've never been so intently focused on one thing in my entire life. My brains, my bones, my blood, my bruises... They were all saturated with the memory of Danno, and that memory has not faded since.

Anyway, I just want to dispel the myth that mosh pits are futile exercises of violence and/or stupidity. Not everyone has the luxury of close proximity to the gravesites of the beloved. Even if I was granted that blessing, I have already aquired a taste for blood. And unlike the ephemeral flowers which rot faster than the graves on which they are placed, my scars are here to stay.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Band Review: Eat A Helicopter

Do you like stuff like Whitechapel and Chelsea Grin, but your concert budget consists of of $20 and a bottle of cheap vodka? Worry no longer, comrades. Eat A Helicopter is just as awesome at a fraction of the cost. If you don't believe me, here's a music video. If you like what you hear, buy the album Descend Into Darkness,  available on Itunes.

The drumming is the typical Metal style, a relentless machine-gun fussilade. The aggressive guitar riffs are reminiscent of the better Miss May I songs. The vocals sound like a pissed off demon. Unlike many Metal acts, the lyrics follow a traditional poetry structure of rhyming couplets and a solid meter. The result is not necessarily melodic, but extremely rhythmic. The music has an underlying groove to it, albeit agitated and heavy.

I rather enjoy the moments when the band vocalizes in unison. It sounds like an angry mob of protesters who are about to erupt into a headline-making riot. There's something tribal, almost cult-ish about the "Us vs. Them" vibe I get from such moments. It's morbidly intriguing. The lyrics are usually poignant without being preachy, but sometimes they are just plain boss. ("All you zombies bounce!" comes to mind here. )

The album art is brilliant in its simplicity: The band logo above, the unassuming CD title below, and a disintegrating hottie in between. The image on the back appears to be a sillhouette of a gravestone wrapped in barbed wire. Seriously, after the aforementioned cheap vodka and this bottle of pills I found, I couldn't look away.

The CD's lifespan is cut tragically short at about 16 minutes worth of music. I could listen to this stuff for hours on end. Thank God for the repeat button, His gift to humanity. The concerts are even better than the recordings. I love a good mosh pit, but I also know how to choose my battles. Stray away from EAH shows if you are faint of heart, lest you have a faint heart attack.

Seriously, these guys will put you in the hospital.

Five stars outta five.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Band Review: These Charming Cobras

The band is aptly named,since they are deceptively chill, belying venomous undertones and musical subversity. Upon first hearing them, I was enraptured by the simple, catchy hooks and vocals so smooth they border on sedative. However, the get-stuck-in-your-head guitar is distorted and full of attitude. The vocals, although aesthetically pleasing, are also more than what they seem. The lyrics are a trifecta of funny, sexy, and scary themes that characterized the lyrics of Alice Cooper. Speaking of trifectas, the band is just a trio. Don't be fooled by the size of the band. just like real snakes, it's the little ones that will really get you. For instance, full orchestras are the biggest bands out there, but I usually can't even stay awake for a whole movement (unless it's Wagner, but that man was an evil musical genius.)

This music appeals to fans of Pop, Surf Rock, Indie, Punk, and all the nagging subgenres in between. The CD, Dime Sized Deaths,  would make a most excellent soundtrack to your next house party or high-speed police chase. The album art is reminiscent of the tricolored, stick-figure style of Punk classics such as Sex Mad by Nomeansno or Gypsy Punks by Gogol Bordello. I don't know if there's much more I can say about the art... What you see is what you get.

So, in a nutshell, it's mass-appealing Punk Rock with a variety of musical influences. You can check them out on bandcamp, but they put on one hell of a live show. Five stars outta five.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Rock On: An Office Power Ballad

I could already tell by the title that this book would be about Rock n' Roll for yuppies. (I didn't even see the subtitle, an office power ballad, until now.) However, it defied my low expectations and proved to be well-written, poignant, and most importantly, relatable.  

It is simultaneously a glorification, a mockery, and an accurate portrayal of the music industry. The author has the jaded yuppie wit of an office goon, and the heartbreakingly sincere passion of a rocker. The result is a bittersweet chronicle of a huge record company during its swan song. I made the mistake of reading this book in a library, which is unfortunate because I was constantly shushed for laughing so much. Although most of the humor was funny because it happened to someone else, I don't pity the author. If anything, I envy him. Not only did he have a once-in-a-lifetime experience, but his writing skills far surpass my own.

Kennedy had the blessing/curse of working for an industrial giant that brought everything from ephemeral pop sensations to musical revolutions to an entire generation. He, like many others, went down with the ship, but unlike many, he lived to tell of it. 

In a nutshell, it is an autobigraphical account of a kid who dreamed of being a rockstar and instead got a white collar job at the record label that employed his idols. His misadventures were bizarre, stressful, and (since they didn't happen to me) amazingly funny. Four stars outta five. 

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Title? I don't need no stinking title.

For once, I am the bearer of good news. A local Hardcore group, Scarless, are playing Vans Warped Tour in Las Cruces this Friday. (I knew it was only a matter of time.)  Other Metal bands in the line up include Born Of Osiris, Chelsea Grin, Impending Doom, and  Miss May I. Otherwise, it appears to be a blend of Pop-Punk and quasi-Rock. You know, bands like Yellowcard. Yuck.  Personally, I'm a huge fan of Impending Doom. They are, quite simply, deafening and insane.

Speaking of which, if you don't want to go to Las Cruces  just to see those guys, you can check them out at Launchpad. It's an all ages show, but drinks are available for ancient fossils such as myself. God, it's good to be 21. Doors open at 7 PM, tickets are $12, and remember to tip your bartender. Yummy.

So much for Las Cruces and Albuqurque. If you happen to be going the opposite direction, there is Metal Reign In The Northern Mountains, only $5 to see six bands. It's all happening this Saturday at the Quail Ridge Inn at Taos. Roadtrip, anyone? 

While my thoughts are on Taos, I must mention Skate In Da Paint, happening July 15th and August 26th. The only skate park in Taos is falling apart and scheduled to be demolished in the near future. Therefore, while the old park is in it's dying days, the Youth Center is making the most of it's last hours to raise funds for a new park. There's going to be tons of art, giveaways, competitions, and other cool stuff for the skater kids.   Being a skater myself, I can attest to the profound lameness of having no skatepark. Help the kids out, yo.

Wait a minute... I'm talking about youth centers, Metal shows, skating, and fundraisers. I'm pretty sure my life is the plot of a live action family film from the 80's. Son of a freaking bitch. 

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Wake Up Dead

You know that Megadeth song about a really brutal hangover? I'll never understand it, because I rarely get hangovers. I guess the Booze Gods are rewarding me for my piety?
Anyway, I missed that punk show in Albuqurque because I spent all day getting my ID, but the booze gods gave me further libations in the form of a Metal bar show in Santa Fe, so glory be to the saviors.

These Charming Cobras are a Punk Rock trio with a variety of musical influences, the most prominent of which is, in their own words, "Agitated Guitar Rock". To the best of my limited abilities, I can detect the same simple catchiness, insane loudness, and twangy guitars that characterize Surf Rock. The vocals are deceptively charming (heh), belying creepy and abstract lyrics saturated with dark metaphors. I love spookiness, but I admire the ability to make it appeal to a mass audience even more.  Even people who think they don't like Punk end up liking These Charming Cobras. Plus, the band members are super-nice. Charmed, I'm sure.

Obelisk are best described as "Party Sludge." Somehow, they mangage to be simultaneously lethargic and intense. The melodies are deep, low, brooding guitar hooks and the drumming is equally heavy. The vocals are unmistakably Metal, a perfect balance between screaming and growling. Apparently they have a Demo, as I discovered approximately five seconds ago. It's about freaking time.

Serial Hawk, hailing from Seattle, is Stoner Metal cranked up to awesomely painful volumes. Their music is purely primal, from the caveman-esque drumming to the creepy, chant-like vocal style. If the dudes who made Stonehenge were Metalheads (and there's no evidence to the contrary), I'm sure they listened to something like Serial Hawk before they sacrificed hot chicks to the Dragon Lord or some shit.

I may not be hungover, but all those rum n' cokes are wreaking havok on my motor skills. If anything, I might still be a little tipsy. Can you imagine seeing a show like this for your 21st? I have a bruise on my sternum from repeated impact with my chin (headbang responsibly, kids) along with some other mysterious wounds, but otherwise I'm alive and well. Holy crap.

I think this warrants saying again: GLORY BE TO THE SAVIORS.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Brothers In Arms

As I've mentioned before, Animals As Leaders were recently robbed. They have been deprived of several custom guitars, some gear, and even their freaking vehicle. (However, I was just informed that they retrieved the car and one of the guitars, so mad props to the LAPD). If you have any info on the rest of their stuff, you can contact them at

Unfortunately, Animals As Leaders were not the only band who got screwed over recently. Eat A Helicopter, a local favorite in the Metal scene, were also jacked. The lost hundreds of dollars worth of merch, so show a little love. Usually, when a band needs financial help, I tell fans to buy some swag, but... Yeah, their swag was stolen. It's a really fucked up catch 22.

Last but certainly not least, there are matters even more pressing than material posessions. For all of my beloved readers, all four of you, I'm pretty sure at least one of you reads Illogical Contraption. In case you don't, there was recently a tragic motorcycle accident that resulted in a fatality. The passenger, Nikki, is still in the process of recovery. Since the dearly departed was not only her husband but her only source of income, donations would be appreciated for the ever-mounting hospital bills, via
 If you can't spare any funds, at least keep her in your thoughts and send some positive vibrations her way. I never met the girl, but I can already tell she's worth it.

You know, I rarely get a chance to get on a soap box, so I'm totally jumping on this opportunity. Sure, I get a little preachy about the importance about supporting local music, but this is different. It's times like this when we need to show support in a more tangible, real way. My comrades are going through a hard time. Many of them I never met, and probably nevr will. It may seem we have nothing in common besides our impeccable taste in music. But even if a non-Metalhead was in need, I'd spread the word. Say what you will, but I am totally my brother's keeper. That's part of being a Metalhead. Music can and will always be there for you, but it's ultimately just sounds in the air. It's the people behind it that really matter.

Ick, no wonder I stray away from soapbox lectures. Seriously though, I know that adversity is all around. Stay strong, comrades. :)

Upcoming Shows

A few days ago, I thought I'd just post a single half-assed entry and leave it there for a fortnight. However, fate/Metal/ the internet had other plans. I'm lots of fun and bad with numbers, so I'm pretty sure it's four posts and counting at this point. Well, here ya go.

Domestic Violence is best described as Super Punk Rock. They're so awesome that even people who don't like Punk music are hooked, if only by morbid curiosity. They do have music online, but quite frankly, it will never do them justice. This is an act you have to see live to truly understand the experience. It's kind of like Shock Rock for the Hardcore crowd. Whoah, I thought Metal logos were supposed to be illegible. I can't be sure I'm reading the rest of the line up correctly, but it looks like Colour Me Once, Leaky Faces, Robots Eat Brains, and Society Unknown. The first three words on the flyer are "Punk" and "All Ages", and honestly that's all I need to hear. 

I know I give Santa Fe and Albuqurque alot of cred for their contributions to the Metal scene, but it would be blasphemous to neglect our neighbor Taos. Taos is best known for it's hot springs, wicked ski slopes, crazy hippies, and insane parties. This shindig is aptly titled Metal Reign In The Northern Mountains. The extremely talented Eulogies Of The Forgotten are playing, and I can attest to their awesome shredding abilities.  Obelisk hails from my hometown, and they describe themselves, quite fittingly, as "Party Sludge".  From Sacrifice To Survival will kick your ass, musically speaking. Portrait Of A Mastermind is intricate yet heavy, plus they have a pirate song. If that doesn't shiver your timbers, nothing will. There's two other Metal bands too, so that's just $5 for 6 bands. Wicked. 

So much for June. If you need to take a breather, you can chill during July and start August off with this. As soon as Monday, I will be old enough to see all of the bar shows. I've already gone mad with my newfound power, albeit premature at this point. What could be better than booze and a concert? Maybe if there was some hotties involved, I'd say I was in heaven...

...Oh my! Thank you, Gods of Metal. \m/

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Last Minute Update

So... You may or may not remember my chemically altered post from 2 am last night (this morning?). Regardless, there is a change in today's concert. See this flyer? It's a liar.

 Unfortunately, the Victory Heights comeback show is going to be sans- Victory Heights. I know, that's retarded. On the plus side, The Untold Hour are going to be replacing them. For some reason, they don't have any music online, but apparently their influences range "from Slayer to Asking Alexandria to Beethoven", so I like them already. The rest of the line-up is sick anyway, so everyone wins.

And in other news, Whitechapel released their new self-titled album on the 19th, but I was too fat/lonely/poor to even notice. They claim that this is their best material to date, but I'm not going to believe them until I aquire said album.

Th-th-that's all, folks.

Rave, Reggae, Rock

This post is named after a shirt I got from the mall in high school. I think it was from like, Claire's or Hot Topic or some equally corny establishment. It just said "Rave Reggae Rock" in neon colors on a cool tank top.  Anyway, I just got back from a Rave at the very decent hour of 2:18 AM.  It was pretty cool, but I felt self conscious because I thought I looked like a "prosti-tot". I'm not a teenager who dresses like a skank, I'm just a hot chick who happens to be short. Plus, I just a had a nice bowl of marij-- Um, a nice bowl of ice cream, so I was having a pretty good time.

And for the record, I did headbang to dubstep. The rumors are true. Stop yelling at me. Even so,  I've had an epiphany. The audiences at raves are pretty pissed off, even though the music is all uppity. However, Metal audiences are pretty pumped, even though the music is morbid. The fuck is up with that? How can a grown ass man wear so many shades of neon pink and still manage to be mad?

Well, this blog is all about Metal, at least in theory, so I guess here's some upcoming shows for all of you mongrels.

Victory Heights is having a "Comeback Show", which sounds like a euphemism for "Reunion Show". I don't actually know. Regardless, they sound pretty good, so this concert seems legit. Besides,  I can attest to the awesomeness that is Scarless, as well as Forever An End. Each of these bands is some version of Metalcore, and I know approximately jack-shit about the rest of the line-up, but for $7, I'm not complaining. The venue is Amped Performance Center, so don't come drunk or bitchy or they'll throw your dumb ass out. And you'll deserve it.

Tomorrow, there's this show, which is gonna be totally sick. Futilitarian is trippy, intricate Instru-Metal, whereas Bear The Nightmare is kind of like Metalcore, but a little cooler. Don't know the other two, but it doesn't matter because I will be ONE DAY too young to see them anyway.

This show is actually the day of my birthday, so it's my gift to myself. $4 for a Punk show and a bar? Fuck yeah. That's so awesome that it's stupid.  

Local band Xmortis is also going to play at Albuqurque's Launchpad on Sunday, September 2. There is no flyer yet, as the event is pretty distant in the future. In fact, no-one even knows the rest of the line up yet. But Launchpad has pretty high standards, so I'm sure it will rock. Besides, the whole shindig is a benefit for the Save The Music campaign, sponsored by VH1. Big-shot corporations like that don't take their concerts lightly. Even though I don't have many details, I do know that tix are $10 in advance and $12 the day of.  So, get a headstart on that, comrades.

Fuck, I'm about to barf, so be content with what I give you, ya drunk fools.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Let's Try This Again

Last post was super-false, but my computer bit the dust, so I had to use an ancient monstrosity that runs slower than hell. Anyway, now that my horrible incident of terror is over, I can bring you a (slightly) higher quality of writing. It's still going to consist entirely of random stuff I should have said a long time ago, and in a more aesthetically articulate manner, but I'm too fat, lonely, and poor to care.

First of all, the Tech-Death/ Aliencore band Rings Of Saturn are dropping a new album on Nov. 20th. The album will be named Dingir, after the Sumerian word for "diety" or sky".  Their first album, Embryonic Anamoly, set the bar pretty high, but Dingir seems promising, as evidenced by this sampler.  And as is usually the case with Tech-Death, the album art is as intricate as the music itself. Awesome.

Meanwhile, for those of us who need something to do until November, there's the Slaughter Survivors tour. It hits my neck of the woods at August 16th, but the tour is also hitting Denver, New York, Hollywood, and other big-shot cities. The line up is amazing. I can't brag enough that I actually went to high school with Fields Of Elysium, who happen to be one of the biggest bands in New Mexico, Metal or otherwise. Fallujah appeals to a similar fanbase, but they are a more atmospheric style of Metal.  Weslandia were the worthy winners of a recent Battle Of The Bands, and they also happen to be a Christian Metal band. Don't be talking smack or I'll stab you with my crucifix. The rest of the line up is pretty rad, but I can't do them justice. You'll just have to see the show.

On a far more depressing note, someone jacked the gear belonging to Animals As Leaders. As in, they punked the instruments, equipment, and even the freaking vehicle. So if some sketchy ass-hole on the street tries to sell you a suspiciously awesome guitar at a low, low price, you have my blessing to kill him. Meanwhile,  if you have any info on their stuff, you can contact them at

I'm really burnt out, so I can't really think of anything else that pertains to Metal. Well, except that the new episodes of Metalocalypse are freaking hilarious. And I have such a huge crush on Toki Wartooth that it truly makes me sad that he's not real.

This post is sad... I'm just gonna listen to Muknal and OD on store-brand Mountain Dew. Peace.