Upcoming Shows: Part 2

This idea of posting flyers for shows throughout the country was so great in theory. In practice, it's a pain in the ass to scour the internet for Death Metal concerts in the Bible Belt. Then again, "treat others how you want to be treated." If I was a headbanger stranded in the middle of a conservative hell-hole, I would want someone to tell me when Goatwhore comes to town, too. Here's part 2, covering the Deep South and beyond. 

Deep South

I'm sure some crazy Deliverance-esque shenanigans go down at a Deep South venue called The Plughouse. Yikes.  

The Plughouse is on this flyer too. Wait, look at that background. Is that the same  river from Deliverance?! If you hear banjos, fucking run. 

Who wouldn't love a line-up this sexy? The tour dates are as follows: 

5/10 - Tampa, FL - The Orpheum

5/11 - Miami, FL - Churchill’s

5/12 - Jacksonville, FL - Roc Bar

5/13 - Gainesville, FL - The Atlantic

5/14 - Pensacola, FL - Vinyl Music Hall*

5/15 - New Orleans, LA - Hangar 13*

Northeast:

My geography is a little rusty, so I'm not sure if Connecticut is considered part of the Northeast or the East Coast. I'm not even sure if I spelled Connecticut correctly. 

We all love Tech-Death. This sweet line up takes the stage at the Palladium Upstairs in Worcester, MA.  June 3rd at 6 pm.  Tickets are $15. Also, check out that fuckin' background on the flyer. I could stare at that bleak landscape for hours on end. 

East Coast:

I have nothing funny or clever to say about this flyer. Sorry. 

This is quite obviously a Stoner Metal show. The venue, called The Pinch, is located  at 3548 14th St NW, Washington, DC 20010. 

Wait, it's a Stoner Metal show in Washington DC?! Personally, I'd be really paranoid about the Secret Service or the Illuminati or some other creepy government agency busting me for being toasted at a concert. But don't let that ruin your good time or anything. 

Lock up yo daughters, lock up yo wives. I'm coming to Maryland. 

Alaska:

I couldn't find any recent flyers for Alaska, but there is this cool contest.  Seriously, how could I not find any flyers for a cold, harsh region that's pitch black 80% of the time?! Alaska is like the Norway of the Western hemisphere. 

Hawaii: 

Oh no, Hawaii. Not you too. There wasn't much to find except this Guns n' Roses tribute happening tonight. Dying Fetus did just play at Hawaiian Brian's Showroom in Oahu, but that was on May 2nd. I wish I told you in time.  If I could change the past, I would. 

Whoo boy, what a hell ride. I hope I don't get any more crazy ideas. What will I think of next, posting flyers for INTERNATIONAL shows?!

Hmm... 

Upcoming Shows

First and foremost, I must unveil the glory that is the Despise The World 2013 lineup. This is so good it has to be fattening.  The astronomically talented Fields Of Elysium from Santa Fe, New Mexico bring on the Jazzcore/Tech-Death with a vengeance. Admiron is some kind of unholy beast wrought from the forges of Thrash, Industrial, and Metalcore. Rings Of Saturn are painstakingly intricate, alarmingly fast Tech-Death group, also known as the innovaters of "Aliencore." They recently came out on top of the Summer Slaughter tour vote, but more on that later. Meanwhile, Jungle Rot is releasing a new album, Terror Regime, available the day of this show! Speaking of new albums, the recently re-animated Exhumed   has been relatively dormant until the 2011 release of All Guts No Glory, which you may recognize as a fuckin amazing EP.  Headling is another heavy-weight beast of the Death-Metal industry, Suffocation. This legendary group has been playing kickass death metal since '88, a year when Glam rock was prevalent and good tunes were scarce. 

This is an all-ages show, but since the venue is Hooligans Nightclub, we big-kids get to drink ourselves silly. (I assume the "No Alcohol" means don't show up already drunk.) Tickets are a mere $22 and can be purchased at  Music-go-round, The Zone smokeshop in Albuqurque, or The Concrete Jungle smokeshop in Santa Fe. This is a monstrously big show, so doors open at the ungodly hour of 4 PM. And if you manage to emerge from the wreckage of the concert in one piece, there's a 21+ afterparty featuring Incide, Unleash The Baboon, Carrion Kind, and End to End. Fuck yeah!

So let's say that the day after that show, you survived your mosh-induced injuries, you survived your whiplash, you survived the raging afterparty, and the subsequent hangover just makes you want to go to another show. Well, you lucky dog, Ghost comes to town immediately after the Despise The World tour! Doesn't that just make you jolly as a roger?

Tickets must be purchased in advance, and you can do that here.  Doors open at 8 PM. All ages. No drugs, no alcohol.

Mayhem is coming, oh yes it is. I'm pretty stoked for approximately half of the line-up, and the other half simply isn't my cup of tea. Let's play a fun game and see if you can guess which is which.   

               Edgefest  gets an honorable mention. This music event is sponsored by 104.1 The Edge, the Alternative/Grunge radio station of Albuqurque. The line up isn't really "Metal." I even hesitate to call any of those bands "Hard Rock".  But they're all decent groups, and if you needed something to do in Albuqurque on May 5th, well, here ya go.

Th-th-that's all, folks.

Rings Of Saturn: Dingir

In a rare moment of sobriety, I decided to take on the beast known as Rings Of Saturn. This Aliencore group transcended the underground scene to become a Death Metal phenomenon, notorious for their painstakingly intricate compositions, ludicrously loud sound, and all around fucked up state of being.

Despite many complications, Rings Of Saturn have released a stream of their new full length album, Dingir. Although it greatly resembles their debut album, Embryonic Anamoly, the band has clearly refined their already superb virtuosity. On the plus side, that means that they have retained the same musical style that attracted fans in the first place. But on the other hand, I can't tell one track from the next. Although the composition is immaculate and the musical skills are extraordinary, the songs are virtually indistinguishable from each other. Mayhaps that's just because I listened to Dingir once, and my eardrums have been in a state of recovery ever since.

It's a must-listen if you like technical compositions, Death Metal, aliens, or music that sounds like a Super Nintendo game on speed. Imagine the band Viraemia getting abducted by astro-zombies.
My only complaint is that the songs are so technical that I can't differentiate them, but that's just the nature of the beast. If I was getting mauled to death by a Hydra, the least of my worries would be which head is which. It would still be brutally badass.

                           Yep, pretty much. Let's just give them five stars outta five.

Let's Try This Again

Last post was super-false, but my computer bit the dust, so I had to use an ancient monstrosity that runs slower than hell. Anyway, now that my horrible incident of terror is over, I can bring you a (slightly) higher quality of writing. It's still going to consist entirely of random stuff I should have said a long time ago, and in a more aesthetically articulate manner, but I'm too fat, lonely, and poor to care.

First of all, the Tech-Death/ Aliencore band Rings Of Saturn are dropping a new album on Nov. 20th. The album will be named Dingir, after the Sumerian word for "diety" or sky".  Their first album, Embryonic Anamoly, set the bar pretty high, but Dingir seems promising, as evidenced by this sampler.  And as is usually the case with Tech-Death, the album art is as intricate as the music itself. Awesome.

Meanwhile, for those of us who need something to do until November, there's the Slaughter Survivors tour. It hits my neck of the woods at August 16th, but the tour is also hitting Denver, New York, Hollywood, and other big-shot cities. The line up is amazing. I can't brag enough that I actually went to high school with Fields Of Elysium, who happen to be one of the biggest bands in New Mexico, Metal or otherwise. Fallujah appeals to a similar fanbase, but they are a more atmospheric style of Metal.  Weslandia were the worthy winners of a recent Battle Of The Bands, and they also happen to be a Christian Metal band. Don't be talking smack or I'll stab you with my crucifix. The rest of the line up is pretty rad, but I can't do them justice. You'll just have to see the show.

On a far more depressing note, someone jacked the gear belonging to Animals As Leaders. As in, they punked the instruments, equipment, and even the freaking vehicle. So if some sketchy ass-hole on the street tries to sell you a suspiciously awesome guitar at a low, low price, you have my blessing to kill him. Meanwhile,  if you have any info on their stuff, you can contact them at animalsgear@gmail.com

I'm really burnt out, so I can't really think of anything else that pertains to Metal. Well, except that the new episodes of Metalocalypse are freaking hilarious. And I have such a huge crush on Toki Wartooth that it truly makes me sad that he's not real.

This post is sad... I'm just gonna listen to Muknal and OD on store-brand Mountain Dew. Peace.