Cheer Up, Emo Kid

I missed the Gaza show, due to the clusterfuck that passes as "Public Transportation" in New Mexico. Being stranded in the sketchy side of one of the most Meth-saturated cities in the country is pretty Metal, but it's also pretty fucked up. So I cut my losses and drank an ungodly amount of Absinthe while listening to their stuff on Myspace. However, I am severely dissappointed that I didn't get their autographs. I saved my  June '11 edition of Terrorizer Magazine, in which they had a kick ass review, solely for this purpose. It was then that I realized, this has been a pretty false year for us Metalheads.

Flattus Maximus is dead, for starters. Not to mention that May 16 was the anniversary of Ronnie James Dio's death. And when heshers weren't busy dropping like flies, bands were busy  breaking up. In my neck of the woods, we just lost Suspended, the ONLY all female Metal-band in the Albuqurque/Santa Fe area. Fields Of Elysium lost their drummer. This Days Light lost their vocalist. Grinkai decided to take a break from live concerts. Both Cassovita and Futilitarian converted to The Dark Side (Instru-Metal), and The Cast Aside apparently quit before they even started. What the fuck?

Meanwhile, legendary icons of the genre have seriously gone downhill. If you haven't listened to Iron Maiden's The Final Frontier, don't bother. It will break your heart. Same is to be said of Queensryche with thier immensely dissappointing Dedicated To Chaos. Final Frontier somehow manages to be simultaneously predictable and dissonant, whereas Dedicated To Chaos sounds like a "5 Gum: Stimulate your senses" commercial. It is a far cry from the beefy, heavy origins from which the bands had begun. How the mighty have fallen.

I missed many amazing concerts, and yet others were dissappointments. The local scene is in a retarded Catch 22 when the bands don't want to perform for a small or tepid audience, and the fans don't show much support because they think that bands don't want to play. The situation was worsened when we lost venues. Little Wing and The Compound are now defunct, leaving Metalheads under 21 in a really picarious position. And on the offchance that we get the opportunity to see a phenomenal act perform for cheap in an all ages venue... The goddamn train comes only once and an hour late. That is so false that it hurts.

I'm bumming myself out now. I'll look on the bright side, i.e stare at these Death Metal panties. By the way, my birthday is on the 25th. These would make a most excellent gift. Honest.

Ahh, that's better.

We Came As Romans: A Very Bitchy Band Review

I'm going to be brutally honest and admit that I am the Paula Abdul of Metalheads. That I refer to this simple fact as "brutally honest" is a testament to it's validity. Sometimes it is in the best interest of the artists to provide some constructive criticism, and not meaningless praise. And sometimes it's just fun to be a bitch to a band that you despise. And after hours of plunging the unknown, fathomless depths of the internet, I finally found some Metal that I dislike. Even Metalcore is a guilty pleasure, so this took a pretty long time. Here are my not-so-nice thoughts on We Came As Romans.

First of all, I'm going to re-inforce my previous assertion that I'm too nice, by saying that I don't even hate them that much. I enjoy Owl City, for whom I accidentally mistook WCAR when they played on the radio. My immediate reaction was "When did they decide to keep the auto-tune but replace the rest with screams?" And, for better or for worse, the screams are actually pretty damn good. However, you can still make out the lyrics, so they're not good enough. Even if they were, their brutality is instantly neutralized by the high pitched auto-tune singing that is annoyingly catchy. They leave me in a wierd, Purgatory-esque no-mans-land between Pop and Metal that keeps me perplexed. I think that I might even like it despite myself. BUT THERE'S NO WAY TO BE SURE.

Okay, so I guess the music is tolerable if you need some background noise while you do mindless manual labor. But bands aren't just about the sound; they have lyrics, music videos, album covers, etc. Let's start with the song titles. They are so mind-numbingly pretentious that it actually makes me angry. "Roads That Never End And Views That Never Cease"? Ugh. I wrote better lines when I was going through my Emo phase in Middle School. The rest of the song titles sound like propoganda jingles for the Green Party, or at least some corny Earth-Day theme song. "Planting A Seed," "Understanding What We've Grown To Be", "To Move On Is To Grow", so on and so forth. I tried to muscle my way through some music videos, but I could only survive two of them. I realized I would rather give myself a battery-acid manicure than endure any more of thier corny shenanigans. At least then I wouldn't be bored.

Ok. Let me spare you the torment of actually watching the music videos, and just let you know that they basically look like the most garden-variety homecoming dance you've ever seen. The audience doesn't even headbang. They just fist-pump. And the band members have the most annoying facial hair that looks like it's been drawn on with eyeliner.

OUCH. Pot calling the kettle black. Ok, I'm not all that invested in my hatred, so I won't even bother talking about the awful lyrics and album art. That would require some effort on my part. Besides, at the end of the day, at least it's not Ke$ha. Two stars outta five.

A Torrential Onslaught Of Music

I know I just posted flyers for upcoming shows, but there's more concerts in summer than is humanly possible to actually attend. During my most recent excursion to Albu-tweakers, I noticed tons of Metal flyers posted on the neighboring venues. Jesus Christ, if you're in New Mexico this month and somehow bored, you have to be deliberately trying not to have fun. Check this out, starting with The Sunshine Theater:

At first I was skeptical about Born Of Osiris, due to their flourish-y logo. I was expecting something a lot less heavy than they actually are. However, upon giving them a chance, I was pleasantly surprised by heavy screams and intricate melodies. I love extreme music, but I also appreciate virtuosity. The rest of the line up looks pretty decent, but the flyer is missing one thing: HOW MUCH DOES IT COST?!

Still no ticket prices on the flyers, huh? Well, to see The Acacia Strain, I'm willing to pay up to $20. I'm not insulting their talent, but I'm not made of money and there are other shows I could see on July 21st. This is part of the Scream It Like You Mean It tour, which seems pretty legit. My only problem is that one of the headliners is We Came As Romans, who are totally high-pitched emo whiners. Seriously, why didn't the extremely loud and talented Impending Doom get a better slot?! Oh well, the line up is still pretty killer.

Demon Hunter is pretty damn awesome. Not as caustic as most Metal, but brutal enough to keep me interested. Cancer Bats are far more psychotic, and since I've never seen them in concert, maybe I'll give this one a shot. Maybe I'd be even more willing to go if I knew how much it cost. *cough cough*\

So much for Sunshine. Let's see what Launchpad has in store for us now.

 The first thing on this flyer is "FREE SHOW" in huge letters, so I like it already. Torture Victim and Left To Rot have played Bloody Ear Fest before, so I already know that they are nothing short of ferocious. Plus, the logo for Torture Victim looks like it would make an excellent tramp stamp. But remember: This show is for the 21+ crowd only. I hope you ancient fossils know how much I resent you.

Gorilla Music is kind of sketch, but Worm-Hole is Metal as fuck. I honestly don't know about any of the other bands, but judging from names such as "Purple Venom" and "Night Must Fall", I'm assuming there will be enough heavy music to make it all worth it. $8 if you buy tickets from the bands, or pay $10 at the door. All ages, 4 PM on June 10.

I got excited when I saw Sex For Admission, but it turns out that's just the name of a band. In reality, it's $4 for admission, but maybe you'll get lucky. In all seriousness, Diverside is pretty righteous, so try to make it to this concert. If you're at least 21 years old, that is.

This flyer is a blast from the past. It looks just like a T-shirt from the '95 tour of underground Metal festival. Like most launchpad shows, I assume it's about $10 and for people old enough to drink. I'm gonna try to go anyway.

Futilitarian freaking rocks. Same is true of Bear The Nightmare. This show is only $5, doors open at 7 PM. Oh, and it's the day before my birthday, so I will literally be ONE DAY TOO YOUNG to actually go. Son of a fucking bitch.

Ok... Is everyone still with me? I know this is a gargantuan post, but there's so many shows that I'm trying to give them all publicity in somewhat manage-able chunks. Here's what's happening at Amped Performance Center:

Whattaya know, it's Futilitarian again. This time I can legally see them. Not to mention my homies from Destroy To Recreate and Scarless, both amazing bands. Thank Metal it's Friday, indeed.

Meanwhile, this very Wednesday, dont miss Gaza at the all ages venue, Gasworks. If you don't thrash so hard that you give yourself an aneurism, I'll be kind of disappointed. No joke.

Concert Review: Slaughter Survivor Battle Of The Bands

I feel like I was just hit by a semi-truck. I have a ringing in my ears, some new battle-scars, and incredible whiplash. At the risk of of sounding like a hyper teenager, this show was EPIC. Behold:

Defleshment, hailing from Laguna, NM, are a force to be reckoned with. They kickstarted the entire concert with intensely brutal riffs and machine-gun drumming. It was fucking awesome. Thier performance was a taste of New Mexico Death Metal, and pretty much set the tone for the badassery of the whole show.

Next up was Eulogies Of The Forgotten. They have neither CD's (that I know of) nor online music, save for some youtube videos which don't quite do them justice. Hell, that's just more reason to to see them live. These guys are truly badass, coming all the way from Taos to perform, and supporting al the other bands as well. The fact that they could play such an energetic set and then mosh the rest of the night is freaking impressive. They're pretty cool guys, too. Meeting them offstage,you would never guess that they were the crazy bastards who just fucked your shit up in the limelight.

Eat A Helicopter is straight up scary. The name is deceptively goofy, but the music basically delivers a pre-emptive strike on all five (six?) of your senses. It was during their setlist that the mosh pit grew massive. Rowdy doesn't even begin to describe it. If you want a taste of their awesome insanity, check out this video. If you like what you see, CD's and other merch is available. Contact the band on their facebook, I already gave you the link. Fuck yeah.

Futilitarian, in their own words, incorporate "an offensive amount of guitar." Yeah, that sounds about right. The music is painfully loud, so awesomely unholy that it's almost ambient. Their style is so melodic that it borders on symphonic. Their sound is atmospheric and poignant. The murcery icing on the Metal cake is that they gave out free CD's. (EP To Earth  is available on Bandcamp, by the way.) I'm going to be honest: One of my favorite things about Metal is the unique vocal styles, which obviously differentiate it from other genres. As such, I'm usually pretty sketched out by Instru-Metal. However, Futilitarian holds thier own, and they are one of my favorite bands despite (or even due to) the lack of vocals.

Weslandia were the winners of the Battle Of The Bands, and I hope they realize that they competed with worthy opponents. Apparently they are also a Christian Metal band, which is great. Christian Metal has a reputation for being kind of lame, but musicians like this prove these negative opinions wrong. They're almost as brutal as The Old Testament itself.

Of All Forms was a band I had anticipated all night, for they were the only musicians representing my hometown: Santa Fe. And holy faith, can those guys represent. They seem to be the quintessential modern Metal band, almost Dethklokian in their style. Think caustic drumming, with melodic strings juxtaposed against relatively monotone growls. I don't mean to be insulting when I say the vocals are monotonous... as this Interview with Brendon Small demonstrates, the deeper growls are too brutal to be melodic. I'm psyched that I had such a beastly band to show Albuqurque what Santa Fe is made of. I also appreciate their lack of gimmicks. In a local scene that prides itself on novelty, it's refreshing to see a New Mexico band that can just play Metal, heavy as fuck.

A Malicious Plague is amazing. Everything about them is apocalyptic. Their sound, their stage presence, all of it rocks. It's the next best thing to actually festering in your own squalid pestilence. I swear, I'm sure that if The Black Death makes an unexpected comeback, humanity's dying words will sound something like this. They came all the way from Gallup to perform, which increases my already immense respect for them.

Atypical Night is aptly named, because every concert with them is guaranteed to be extraordinary. They certainly ended the night with a bang. Their musical style is a seamless blend of melody and ruthlessness. The resulting chaos is something like Death Metal with amped-up virtuosity. They describe themselves as Melodic Deathcore, which seems pretty accurate, so let's just go with that. They were a sublime conclusion to a concert such as this. As most Joe Angel Productions go, this one also gets five stars outta five.

Upcoming Shows

I'm a slacker and a half. This is super last minute, and yet it must be done. Apparently there's a benefit for W21 tonight, but only one of the bands is Metal (Until Chaos is freaking epic, by the way.) So support your local scene and bring your skateboard. Like all Warehouse 21 shows, doors open at seven and it only costs five bucks. Also, don't show up with drugs or a crappy attitude. Not even cool, bro.

So much for that biz. Tomorrow, things get heavier with the Slaughter Survivors Battle Of the Bands.  Atypical Night is a sublime taste of Melodic Death Metal. Of All Forms is just plain heavy.  Futilitarian is thrashy Instru-Metal.  Eulogies Of The Forgotten is best described as Blackened Thrash. I have no idea what the other bands sound like, which only makes me more excited to go. $10 at the door, show starts at 6 PM, and 9 bands in all. Location is Albuqurque's own Amped Performance Center.

If you happen to be in Nevada this Saturday, check out the amazingly talented Machine Gun Vendetta, sharing the stage with legendary Leftover Crack. This show will be awesome, no joke. I wish I had this flyer hanging in my room.

Now here's a show I've been anticipating for a while... Motherfucking GAZA. These crazy dudes have performed at the (now defunct) Little Wing venue, featured in Terrorizer Magazine, and reviewed in The Living Doorway blog. Good stuff. Not to mention their sharing the stage with local bands, including Immortal Prophecy, Saberwulf, and Harsh Words. I don't know what the cover is, and frankly, I don't care. I'd sell my soul to see this. Also, I wish I had this flyer hanging over my bed.

That's so cherry that it hurts. Anyway, more shenanigans are to ensue on the 8th, now that Scattered Hamlet are back in town. Blinddryve hails closer to home, coming from Albuqurque.And uh, two other bands that I never heard of. This is all going down at Hooligans Nightclub at 7:30. Only $8.

Yeah, I don't have the motivation or artistic integrity to conclude this properly, so... Bye.

Alcohol and Razorblades and Poison in Needles

As usual, I got so drunk that I forgot I even have a blog. Don't blame me, blame Mr. Jack Daniels. Anyway, being a pitiful combination of a boozehound, a lazyass, and a Metalhead, today's post will be about the intertwining of mind-alteration and heavy music. Let's see if I can maintain my motor skills enough to finish this in one go...

Part I: The Forerunners
The Beatles aren't Metal, even though certain tracks such as Helter Skelter were predecessors to the chaotic instruments and screaming vocals that characterize the genre today. Another contribution that the Fab Four made to the contemporary concept of music is the rockstar lifestyle. Nowadays, you have to burn a church to be considered extreme, and even that is more annoying than "brutal." But back in the 60's, it was bands like The Beatles and Rolling Stones that whipped people into a frenzy. The long-haired hooligans trashed their hotel rooms, glorified drug abuse, and were notorious womanizers. The Beatles were amongst the first bands to slip drug references into their songs, and even the rumors of evil messages hidden in the records originated with them. Sounds a lot like Metal to me. As early as  Rubber Soul, released in '65, The Beatles were getting a lot less subtle about their experimentation with psychedelics. I mean, look at that freaking album cover.

Jesus Christ, my pupils weren't that dilated since... Uh, for legal reasons, I'm not gonna finish that sentence.

Part II: Sh*t Gets Real
Zeppelin may deny themselves the title of "Heavy Metal", but they are still one of the hardest rock bands to hit the music scene since the 70's. Not only were the blues-inspired riffs tuned low and drawn out for an eerie effect, but the vocals were borderline screams. That's the musical side of it, so what about the lifestyle? Well, if you don't think that these dudes were worth their weight in Acid, just watch The Song Remains The Same. This opened the gateway for even crazier bands to do their thing. The Doors and Aerosmith come to mind, right off the bat. The hedonistic lifestyle that The Beatles and Rolling Stones had introduced the pop music, was refined and in a way, perfected by musicians such as Jim Morrison and Steve Tyler. Drug references no longer had to be clandestine. In fact, they were practically emblazoned in neon signs and glitter glue. Rock n' Roll had evolved from a quaint rockabilly mentality into a pipe-dream of infinite cocaine and leather-clad groupies. I'm pretty sure the term "rockstar" even originated in the 70's. I don't actually know. Fucking google it.

While we're talking about the 70's, let's talk about bands that actually can be called "Metal" in all good conscience. I can think of Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath right off the bat (heh.) Alice Cooper was a heavy drinker, as were all of the members in his band. Most of the photos of the band in their prime document incriminating evidence of a bottle in everyone's hand. Mix n' Match. One haunting moment from an interview in this early years show a haggard Alice Cooper, unkempt and unshaven, asking the interviewer: "Would you buy a car from this man?"

Gah. I get those pitiful cow-eyes when I'm hammered, too. But in all seriousness, I would not buy a car from a dude who was so obviously strung out on booze. I wouldn't even be in the same room without a can of mace, or at least a tazer. And as for Black Sabbath... Well, if you don't know about Ozzy Osbourne and his various infamies, you honestly don't belong on my blog. Sorry.

Part III: The 80's Were The Hangover Of The 70's
The 70's must have rocked. It was a decade of hilarious decisions, many of which were badass and even more of which were regrettable, but our parents' generation probably have some secret tattoos showing evidence of each. The 80's were like the morning after the night of youthful abandon, when you can now feel the broken bones that you drunkenly swore were mere flesh wounds just hours before. When you wake up to "how do you like your eggs?" from the gross troll laying next to you. The 80's were the gnarliest 10 years to ever follow a golden age of music, drugs, and debauchery. So they overcompensated and now we wound up with fucking Glam Rock. Ugh. Motley Crue is probably the most famous example, and they glorified excessive drug use with such shameless party jams as Dr. Feelgood, Wild Side, and pretty much every other Motley Crue song.

The 80's also revolutionized the music industry with the introduction of MTV. Now mind-alteration was made flashy not only audibly, but visibly. The invention of the music video marked a shift from radio-oriented music to television oriented. Now bands had to make themselves sound good, and be visually appealing. And if booze has taught me anything, it's that liquor makes people look hotter. As soon as MTV entered the equation, the links between sexuality, music, and drugs were reinforced even stronger than before. Think of the cliche, "Sex, Drugs, and Rock n' Roll." That has practically become a holy trinity unto itself.

Anyway, rockstars were glamorized as drug abusing, hedonistic dillweeds. Metalheads in particular got flack for the liquor thing. And considering my current condition, I guess the stereotype is one that we earned.

And before you get bitchy with me for the offensive and judgemental picture above, just know that it came from the official website of Nuclear Blast, AKA The world`s biggest independent Heavy Metal label.

Part IV: The 90's Were All That
First of all, I'm impressed that I could remember how Roman numerals work. I'm proud of myself. Second, I was but a mere child in the 90's, and as such I knew more about cartoons than about the dark underbelly of America's crusade against substance abuse. Thankfully, shows like Beavis And Butthead bridge the gap, so I will share with you my very limited knowledge. Beavis And Butthead was MTV for the new decade, as the channel had broadened it's horizons from music videos 24/7 to general entertainment aimed at teens and young adults. The titular characters were not explicitly portrayed as stoners, but come on. You don't get that dumb without smoking something. In fact, one of the earliest episodes showed the duo taking turns sniffing paint thinner, and the resulting chaos included painting Mr. Anderson's house with Metal logos, stealing a lawnmower, and some other third thing. Beavis and Butthead were caricatures of negative stereotypes of Metalheads. And yet, even the "negative" assumptions were pretty damn awesome.

The feature film, Beavis And Butthead Do America, made drugs seem even cooler with the infamous Peyote scene, during which Beavis hallucinates animations of Rob Zombie's psychedelic illustrations.

Let's face it, no still image can do that scene justice. Here's a link to the video clip.

Honorable Mention: Straight Edge

Well, this whole post has been about the shameless glorification of drugs, but there's another side to the story. Just like there is an obsessive idolization of that lifestyle, there is also an obsessive repulsion to it. Wierdly enough, both attitudes seem to have their most devout followers in fans of extreme music. Straight Edge owes it's existence to the hardcore Punks of the 80's. If that decade was the hangover of the 70's, then the Straight Edge Punks were the recovered alcoholics who immediately enlisted themselves in AA after the first pang of a headache. The term "Straight Edge" was first coined by the band Minor Threat, but the idea of a sober Rock n' Roll lifestyle is far older than that. 70's Rock icon Ted Nugent, for instance, is one crazy bastard, but he never even tried a little alcohol. Some bands who were infamous for their alcoholism regained a following as they swore off the drug forever. Alice Cooper, for instance, gained massive support when the media discovered he was in treatment for his alcohol abuse.

In this day and age, we have heavy-as-hell bands who advocate a smoke-free scene, such as Impurity Of Mriya. The rising popularity of Christian Metal (and Punk) has also contributed to the lifestyle of awesome music without the mood-modifying chemicals. The Eden Betrayal is a freaking amazing band, and they don't even have to be stoned to hit the stage. More power to them.

Part V: Epilogue

Damn it, I have to throw up now.

Veneficium

Asylum Arcanum is a ruthless, disturbing glimpse into the scarred history of insane asylums.  The book itself is heavy and informative, despite several grammatical errors. Photographs document the rise and demise of “Kirkbride” asylums. These asylums were infamous for such practices as lobotomies, electroshock therapy, and forced sterilizations. The book offers some insight into the doctors who instigated such notorious treatments, and their tragic stories of good intentions gone awry. Once their revolutionary methods were criticized, of course they rabidly defended their life’s work to the bitter end, performing more and more appalling treatments in vain attempts to prove their effectiveness. What resulted was a vicious cycle of  corruption and reform.

Morbid curiosity is one thing, but Asylum Arcanum delves deeper than that. The authors (W. Cummings and J. Schwartz) had not only interest, but a profound respect for the lives of the otherwise forgotten inmates of such establishments.  Immortalized by this book, these people retain a  semblance of dignity of which they were deprived during their lifetimes.

The accompanying CD features a variety of tracks ranging from rhythmic noise with soft soundclips (think Pink Floyd’s “One Of These Days”) to painfully high-pitched xylophones and bells (think Ozzy’s “Mr. Tinkertrain”).  Overall, the CD is ambient, atmospheric, and (dare I say it?) arcane.  Although the music complements the text and in fact enhances the reading experience, the whole CD lasts under 30 minutes and indeed becomes tedious if played any longer than that. Needless to say, these aren’t exactly party jams either. The CD is best listened to in solitude, as it embodies a sense of claustrophobic loneliness.
Asylum Arcanum is an experience, both visually and audibly, and it often proves to be too-close-for-comfort. However, as dark and disturbing as the past may be, acknowledgement and even reverence for it, has it’s rewards. Five stars outta five.

(Unfortunately, I can't find any info on this book on the internet. Also, I am too drunk to figure out how to upload audio samples.I'm also pretty sure that uploading the text is illegal.  You will be content to gaze into the mediocre photoshop skills which comprise the CD art, and the track list from the sleeve. But the whole thing exists, I swear! Unless... uh oh.)